Understanding the “Four Horsemen” in Relationships
Welcome to June
As we move into the middle of the year, June offers an opportunity to pause, reflect, and reconnect — with ourselves, our relationships, and our wider support networks. At Hold the Hope Counselling, we continue to provide spaces for growth, learning, and meaningful connection through our online workshops, support groups, and professional development offerings.
We’re excited to share our upcoming programs and ongoing groups for the months ahead.
Conflict is a normal part of every relationship — but the way we communicate during conflict can either strengthen connection or slowly erode it.
Relationship researcher, John Gottman identified four communication patterns that are particularly damaging to relationships. He called these patterns The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because of their strong connection to relationship breakdown over time.
The four horsemen are:
Criticism – attacking a partner’s character rather than addressing a specific issue.
Contempt – communicating from a place of superiority through sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, or hostility.
Defensiveness – responding with excuses, blame, or counterattacks instead of listening and taking responsibility.
Stonewalling – emotionally withdrawing, shutting down, or avoiding communication altogether.
While most couples experience these behaviours occasionally, problems arise when they become habitual patterns in the relationship. The encouraging news is that awareness creates opportunity for change.
The Gottman approach also offers practical “antidotes” to each horseman — including gentle start-ups, appreciation, responsibility-taking, and self-soothing techniques — all designed to help couples reconnect and communicate more effectively.
Healthy communication is not about never disagreeing; it’s about learning how to navigate differences with respect, empathy, and emotional safety.
Watch this helpful overview video on the Four Horsemen here:
If you would like to explore these concepts more deeply, our upcoming workshop The 7 Principles of Making a Marriage Work provides practical tools grounded in Gottman relationship research to support stronger, healthier connection.
Upcoming Group Programs
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All programs are run online
〰️ All programs are run online
The 7 Principles of Making a Marriage Work
21st August
9:00 AM – 5:30 PM AEST
$550 per couple
A full-day workshop designed to strengthen communication, deepen understanding, and reconnect you with your partner.
Bringing Baby Home
17th July
9:00 AM – 5:00 PM AEST
$550 (couples welcome)
Support your relationship through the transition to parenthood, with practical tools to stay connected during this major life shift.
Lessons in Love
12th June
9:00 AM – 5:30 PM AEST
$550 per person
An opportunity to explore emotional patterns, relationship dynamics, and your own personal growth in love.
Ongoing Groups & Professional Development
Women’s Perimenopausal Support Group
Every 2nd Wednesday
9:30 AM – 11:00 AM AEST
$40
Next June session: Let’s talk symptom management.
Professional Book Club
Last Friday of the month
9:00 AM – 10:00 AM AEST
$40
June’s book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris.
Group Supervision for Clinical Professionals
Last Wednesday of the month
9:00 AM – 10:00 AM AEST
$40
A supportive space for reflection, learning, and professional connection with fellow clinicians.
Stay Connected
If you would like more information or wish to register for any upcoming groups or workshops, please reach out via email: holdthehopecounselling@yahoo.com
Thank you for being part of the Hold the Hope community. We look forward to supporting you through the season ahead.
Warm regards,
Hold the Hope Counselling
A Gentle Reframe: From Exercise to Play
Hello,
As we move into May, we’re reminded that growth—whether personal, relational, or professional—often begins with small, intentional steps. At Hold the Hope Counselling, we’re here to support you in strengthening your relationships, deepening self-understanding, and navigating life’s transitions with care and clarity.
Below are our upcoming group programs and offerings, along with a short reflection for this month.
When we think about “exercise,” it can sometimes feel like a task—something we should do, rather than something we want to do. It can carry pressure, expectations, or even a sense of guilt.
But what if we shifted the way we think about movement?
As children, we didn’t say, “I’m going outside to exercise.”
We said, “I’m going to ride my bike,” “play hopscotch,” or “skip with my friends.”
Movement was joyful. It was freeing. It was play.
Research consistently shows that regular movement supports not only physical health, but also emotional wellbeing. It can help reduce stress, improve mood, support better sleep, and increase overall resilience. But perhaps one of the most powerful shifts is not just that we move—but how we experience that movement.
When we approach movement as play, something changes:
It becomes more sustainable
It feels less like pressure and more like permission
It reconnects us with enjoyment, curiosity, and even creativity
This month, you might gently ask yourself:
What kind of movement feels like play to me?
It might be walking along the water, dancing in your living room, kicking a ball with your kids, or stretching in the morning sun. There’s no “right” way—only what feels good and supportive for you.
Upcoming Group Programs
The 7 Principles of Making a Marriage Work
Date: 23rd May
Time: 9:00 AM – 5:30 PM AEST
Investment: $550 per couple
Strengthen communication and connection in your relationship.
Bringing Baby Home
Date: 8th May
Time: 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM AEST
Investment: $550 (couples welcome)
Support your relationship through the transition to parenthood.
Lessons in Love
Date: 12th June
Time: 9:00 AM – 5:30 PM AEST
Investment: $550 per person
Explore emotional patterns, relationships, and personal growth.
Ongoing Groups & Professional Development
Women’s Perimenopausal Support Group
Every 2nd Wednesday
Time: 9:30 AM – 11:00 AM AEST
Investment: $40
Next session in May: Building confidence and communication skills in a supportive environment.
Professional Book Club
Last Friday of the month
Time: 9:00 AM – 10:00 AM AEST
Investment: $40
May focus: 31 days to great sex
Group Supervision for Clinical Professionals
Last Wednesday of the month
Time: 9:00 AM – 10:00 AM AEST
Investment: $40
May case discussion: explored PND and impacts on body image in the perinatal period
Whether you’re looking to invest in your relationship, prepare for a new stage of life, or connect with others in a meaningful way, our groups are designed to offer both practical tools and a safe, supportive environment.
If you’d like to learn more or reserve your place, feel free to get in touch or visit our website.
Warmly,
Hold the Hope Counselling